Just to be clear: the names of people you frequently communicate with via Gmail or Google Talk may be published for all the world to see.

Here’s one example of why this is so bad.  A DV survivor has her activity exposed to her abusive ex: http://fugitivus.wordpress.com/2010/02/11/fuck-you-google/.

Here’s detailed information on what Google is doing and how to disable it: http://www.businessinsider.com/warning-google-buzz-has-a-huge-privacy-flaw-2010-2.  Unfortunately, disabling it is complicated and confusing.

I rely very heavily on Google tools.  Every single e-mail account I have - both personal and professional - is routed to a Gmail mailbox.  Google is an extremely generous organization that spends millions of dollars every year to help make the world a better place.  The Google employees I know personally are all good trustworthy people.  Which is why this gross breach of privacy is so shocking.  Instead of defaulting to having users opt-in to exposing their activity, Google Buzz has violated their mantra of “don’t be evil” and done a great deal of harm.

Google: please change the default behavior for exposing personal information to “opt-in”.

Call me naive, but dating in high school seemed very innocent. I was a “good girl,” but still I didn’t know many girls at all who had gone all the way with their boyfriends or even had a serious boyfriend at all. It seemed like we were all just trying to get our first kiss. We hadn’t even imagined anything bigger than that.

Honestly, I was probably rather sheltered. It could be argued that teenage sexuality has become less restrained over the last 11 years, but I don’t pretend to believe now that none of my friends were experimenting with more adult forms of relationships. Perhaps because I was so sheltered, I don’t recall ever talking with my parents about dating violence. Maybe if I had known about it I could have noticed the signs earlier when I did actually get into an abusive relationship shortly after high school. I don’t blame my parents at all. They were probably operating on the same belief that I was- high school relationships are not very serious.
Unfortunately, this isn’t true. Whether or not more girls than ever before are getting into relationships, they are definitely serious. According to the , “1 in 4 teen girls in a relationship report enduring repeated verbal abuse” and “1 in 3 teens report being text messaged 10, 30, 40 times per hour by a partner inquiring where they are, what they are doing or who they are with.” These are definitely hallmarks of mental, emotional and verbal abuse. I would hasten to say that teenagers know that it is wrong to be hit by your partner, but we don’t necessarily know the early warning signs like possessive jealousy or cruel joking. Dating violence usually starts this way whether you are a teenager or an adult. Most often he won’t punch you on your first date. It is more difficult than many people know to escape once it has gone so far.

February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month and now Valentine’s Day takes on a whole new meaning for me. You can bet I’ll be talking with the young girl that I mentor about the warning signs as well as about what she can do to help her friends to learn about this important issue. Will you also commit to talking with any teenagers in your life?

Until we have mandatory healthy relationships classes in every high school,
Abby

~Abby

P.S. I agree with the first commenter. Anna Sachse should receive an award for her article. While reading it, I kept thinking about how fantastic it was that she spoke up about her experience and is challenging the system in a way that she is able to- through her writing. I actually do this as well, both through this blog and other media. In what ways might you use your skills to challenge injustice and change the world? We would love to hear from you!

Where & When

Rose Quarter
1 N Center Court St.
Portland, OR, 97227
January 27th, 2010
7:00 p.m.

Thanks for joining us and happy reading!

First of all, it jumped out to me that he was arrested on Christmas morning at 11:20 am. That fact alone set my cheeks ablaze with rage. How dare he hit his wife on Christmas?!? Really, domestic violence is wrong any day, but it feels especially vile to me on Christmas morning. Personal rant aside, I continued to read that he was booked on second degree assault, with no mention whatsoever of what this entails. I did some Google sleuthing and came across some information on the website for Colorado Attorney Kevin Churchill (he was booked in Aspen, as he and his family were vacationing there for the holidays). In addition to explaining the exact wording used by Colorado lawmakers when determining the difference between first and second degree assault, “intentionally” caus(ing) bodily injury to another by means of a deadly weapon,” Churchill provides his own clarification for the above legalese. He says, If there was “Heat of Passion,” in other words, you were provoked by the person into committing the assault, then the DA may choose to file the Second Degree Assault as a Class Six Felony, instead of a Class Four, thereby reducing the possible penalties” (emphasis author’s own).  Really? Why am I so surprised? Of course a lawyer would repeat the same vomit inducing beliefs of the court. We don’t know yet whether or not Charlie Sheen will be booked on a class six or class four felony, but we do know that according to family friends who were with the couple the night before, both parties were drinking. I want to ask ‘so what,’ but I know this is all it could take for them to reduce his charge. Gross.

Further, the author of this story on People’s website called the abusive incident a “scuffle.” How is assault with a deadly weapon a scuffle? It’s not, plain and simple. Talking to my coworker about this, she brought up a very valid point. Whether he had the gun pointed at her head or the knife at her throat or if he was doing something else with the weapon to cause her injury, it was intended to threaten death. Which brings me to another point; the next story on People’s website read like this, “Charlie Sheen and Wife to Undergo Counseling.”  NOoooooooo!!! You do not undergo couple’s counseling when you are experiencing domestic violence! This is so basic; domestic violence is not about losing control of emotions. It is about power and control and set up. He planned this- he set it up. A man does not just keep a gun around and then randomly hit you with it when he loses his temper. He had that gun there on purpose so he could threaten her. I know this is truth with every fiber of my being.

Ugh. At least Sheen has returned to Los Angeles while Mueller has stayed in Aspen. No formal charges have been filed yet, but they are apart. I wish that were the end, but true to form, People delivered once more. In a story posted two days ago, Michael Y. Park captioned a photo shown of Brooke Mueller walking to her car in Aspen with the following vitriol  “Oh the weather outside is frightful…but a post-holiday outing in Aspen, CO., is delightful for Brooke Mueller- even after her husband was arrested following an alleged domestic violence incident on Christmas day. Prancing through the posh resort town, Mueller, 32, sported…a big grin that belied the family dispute that spoiled Christmas just days before.” Really? You think she was “prancing?” WTF?! And p.s. So what if she was? Obviously we need to know two things; A. Brooke is who we should be watching at this point and B. How dare she slip a smile after her husband beat her up? Maybe she lied about the whole thing. That is the subtext. Am I right or am I right?

Even though the way this was handled so very precisely models everything that we learn about DV 101 and the culture we live in that perpetuates it, it still pissed me off so bad. I feel angry and helpless- I mean, I don’t buy People magazine and I don’t think many people that read this blog probably do. What impact can we make by pulling our money? We could write letters to the editor and I would suggest we do that. Also, if you live in Colorado, please never consider using Kevin Churchill as your lawyer. More than just putting this bandage on the situation, however, I hope it motivates us to continue educating each other about what domestic violence looks like. We need to stop fooling ourselves through tricks of language and photo-ops. This asshole beat up a woman, his wife, with a deadly weapon. We can’t polish that up and make it pretty again. And despite how ugly it looks, we also need to be brave and educate the young women in our lives. Whether you have a blog that reaches teenage girls or you mentor young women, or you have teenagers of your own, please show them these stories and explain what happened and why it is wrong. Tell them the warning signs to look for, tell them they have services they can access and above all, believe them when they disclose. A listening ear does more to empower than you might realize. Together, we can take steps to prevent this from happening to more young women. It might seem an insurmountable problem now, but take it from this survivor- it isn’t.

So once you’ve watched the video, take a moment to think about the people in our community who may not be having a “happy holiday” at all. They could be survivors of violence who have left their homes and communities to find safety, families without a home, people without family or friends to offer comfort, people whose beliefs do not involve a tree or a large man in a red suit or maybe just the individuals who can’t or won’t buy into traditions that have been commercialized until all meaning is lost.

Take a minute and, like Jay Smooth, try to see those people too.  And if you are one of the people whose holidays this year are less than stellar, you are most certainly not alone.
Happy holidays (*wink*) and, with genuine hope for social change, let’s wish peace and safety in the New Year for all.

Kelsey: Who are you, anyway? What do you do at PWCL?

C: I love shopping for temporary dinosaur tattoos at the Dollar Scholar on Hawthorne! It is great fun reenacting prehistoric scenes on my body - another self-care activity of mine.

Thanks for taking some time out to share your deepest, darkest secrets, Crystal. It is great to be able to put a face to the work that is being done, and I hope to continue this with a featured staff or volunteer every month. Keep your eyes peeled for new personalities.

Did you know that this Thursday, December 17th is the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers? Did you also know that all week PWCL, in collaboration with the Sex Worker Outreach Coalition, is hosting a film festival of movies related to the sex industry? Today we screened Highway Courtesans at In Other Words Books (Thanks, In Other Words!) and we will be screening Outlaw Poverty, Not Prostitutes tomorrow at 7pm at the Q Center (4115 N Mississippi Ave.). On Thursday, we will screen Live Nude Girls Unite at the Red & Black Cafe (400 SE 12th). Don’t miss out on these opportunities to get more familiar with the issues surrounding the commercial sex industry. Hey, you may even have a chance to chat up with Crystal and ask her about her fake tattoo habits.

See you there!